It’s been a while, nearly a month an a half since I’ve chimed in on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I’ve been provoked by the fact that I’m sitting in an urgent care waiting room contemplating how mood, pain, sanity, and learning to be happy in all situations co-exist.
On the one hand I’m ridiculously aggravated by inefficiencies like missing signage on the subway which the lack of education, motivation, innovation, initiative, and follow through would fix even in spite of massive bureaucracies. They are unfortunately competing with politics, many conflict of interest, and a passive as well as active greed amongst both companies and regulatory agencies.
Being in DC I’ve learned anyone can be an agent for change if they can persevere in an almost timeless way, which means that not everyone (nor almost anyone) is willing to be that agent for an extended period. The must deal with a mis-educated public who is more interested in skin, sex, and money then they are in how many humans die on the road each year. They must deal with a governments and representatives who are paid to react to that public. The must deal with corporate structures who are not beholden to moral or ethical that was intentionally designed as such reduce corporate liability and which worked as a method of improving economic wealth, but which time and a magnitude increase of scale has turned into a glaring problem. They must deal with an exponential growth of information and the capacity of being mired in it. They must compete, ally, or combine with an ever growing number of similar and opposite minded people, organizations, and agencies who’s pool of money is a fraction of a single percent of the GDP of this nation. They must learn how to talk in sound bites, connect with the right journalist, ride on top of a new wave, and how to create a wave of their own, and do it without breaking the bank. They must learn to assess the changes they want to make and judge the increments or revolutions and how ripe the people or systems they intend to change are. They must learn that failures are useful and part of the journey rather then end of it.
As insurmountable as this seems it’s actually very achievable for people who are optimistic not easily depressed by a myriad of problems.
All of this floats through my head as I think about a goal that has begun to solidify in my head. I am at a point in my life where I want to achieve something that goes beyond just my life. For many this should be a decision you would have come to in during college, but even then I think it might be to early and provide most with two little experience of the world, too few successes, too few failures. I hope that now I am in a position that, seeing all of these inefficiencies and having at least a somewhat educated view of the life we lead, I can direct that experience, talent, knowledge, personality, and emotion towards something which might change our world.
It should seem obvious that I have not lost all of my idealism and will to change the world. These inefficiencies that I daily observe are indications of a larger system that is delinquent. I am a person who has always looked at the forest and is lost in the trees, so often when I see these daily annoyances as something intolerable. Caught up in my day to day routine where my life is driven my only my point of view composed of the things I need to get done today, how I can take pride in my days work, and just survive to get to the next day these annoyances tend to be those rather large road bumps or rather humps in my day that can easily side track my existence. Lost in these issues of the day like reading the news, one loses sight of everything else.
The ying-yang balance between existing in the day, but not losing a larger perspective is a daily struggle, and one that I distinctly lose when my most distinct weaknesses sally forth. When I’m ambushed by a sinus infection, or allergies, or get sick, or effectively lose my ability to think at anything but a low level due to pain or biological repair the moment is all that exist. I only see the most basic functions of my daily life and I forget the hope, desperation, and motivation that the larger perspective provides. So to I am lost when the routine of life and or depression takes over and it’s only tomorrow I’m thinking of. I’ve never been able to solve this problem of what this cycle is and although I’ve tried drugs with this, I often find myself worse of then I was by learning methods to cope with it and muddling through. Between the sickness of the body and the depressions of the mind I am often side tracked to be consumed by the daily news cycle, the daily list of annoyances, the daily negatives, rather then the long list of life’s positives.
So the goal that has settled from years of stirring is to change my track from learning how to cope with my weaknesses and just existing as best I can exist to now something along the lines of learning to lead and manage where I put forth this knowledge of myself, the process, and the world into something that is concrete. It’s not really a new path, but a re-aligning or focusing of my previous path.
Given how lucky I am to live with such a high standard of living and afford to do so much with my life it’s the least I can do to give back to humanity. No doubt I’ll still get mired in the depressing and enraging annoyances of our day to day life, such as the lack of adequate health insurance or care for most people and how much you have to fight for it as I witnessed in the urgent care facility today, hopefully though I can retain a upper brain pleasure in the work I am doing and the direction I’m taking.